kaoz... life is tiring... sad... how can i still smile? i ask myself... can you tell me why i smile? its not because im happy? its not because im trying to cover my sadness? then what is it?!?!
I ask myself today... that maybe I have found the answer. listen to it if you have the time, if not you can just leave this site and dun bother, that is if you do not want to discover why you smile...
I smile when i see someone that has smiled at me in anyway, not just a smile, a gesture, a kind thought. Those that never gave me that don't deserve one from me. Im selfish, yet generous. If you gave me a smile, I would have to smile back at you ten times as much, I guess. So Im not one who makes friends just like that I guess.
If a smile could make you smile then why do i get coldness from my stupid smiles? So I guess that was a fucking lie. Coldness doesnt mean that you dont smile, its the fakeness in your smile, if any, that defines coldness.
If I smile, would you feel the coldness in me? I hope you dont, for I keep my smiles warm. I dont think you will want to see me smiling through my teeth all day right? So I treasure my smiles to true friends, I dont want to smile all day to people who dont fuck care, its tiring.
Specially when it comes to girls Im scared to smile, I cant figure em out, I guess the saying is right about them (-_-"). When they smile you dont feel the warmth you expect, accept from a few. When they dont smile, you dont feel the coldness form them. Basically they are like a black box, hell it could be a bag of gold or a atomic bomb inside one of those. But it seems that blackboxes DO open, at least that few of them, and when they do, I will be sure t ofeel sadness flowing thru me again.
Because I fall for those that I can see through, but they never do fall for me =P. Maybe its coz I can feel them that I fall for them, but it is also that that makes me so comtemptable, so disliked.
One that knows all is hated by all, one that knows too much is liked by little.
If you knew that I would be a friend to you, then maybe I could show you my smile.
I would be named a nosey parker for prodding too much, I would be branded a
know-it-all if I said too much, I would be called a loner if I talked too little, I would be known a lamer if I joke too much, I would be said a retard if I smiled too much.
So what would I be? If I loved someone too much? Stupid? Or Hopeless? Or Devoted? Or Stong Willed?
I care too much of how ppl look at me? So I ask myself. Do I Love her? I do, and that is enough.
oNE daY i"lL lEt yoU kNOw, tHat mY heArT can'T leT gO, soRRy thAT iM nOt tHAt stROng 
