Love that sweet smile of yours,
a smile that defines my day,
Love that soft hand of yours,
a wish that I hold them one day.
Countless moments of timeless days,
I wish that time would heal the pain,
Worthless actions of needless ways,
I put a word of love in them.
Lengthless sand dunes of blueless bays,
I roam across in search of truths,
Endless waiting for fruitless plays,
I thought that life had nothing to say.
Ever you heard my whispering heart?
It speaks of love that can't be found.
Ever you heard that shouting soul?
Shouting to me to never let go.
Ever you heard the lonely words?
That cries itself to sleep at night.
Ever you heard the happy laughs?
Holding me back from utter ruin.
Ever you read the long sweet lines?
That etch my words on bittersweet rhymes.
a leaf fell on 11:42 pm
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kaoz... life is tiring... sad... how can i still smile? i ask myself... can you tell me why i smile? its not because im happy? its not because im trying to cover my sadness? then what is it?!?!
I ask myself today... that maybe I have found the answer. listen to it if you have the time, if not you can just leave this site and dun bother, that is if you do not want to discover why you smile...
I smile when i see someone that has smiled at me in anyway, not just a smile, a gesture, a kind thought. Those that never gave me that don't deserve one from me. Im selfish, yet generous. If you gave me a smile, I would have to smile back at you ten times as much, I guess. So Im not one who makes friends just like that I guess.
If a smile could make you smile then why do i get coldness from my stupid smiles? So I guess that was a fucking lie. Coldness doesnt mean that you dont smile, its the fakeness in your smile, if any, that defines coldness.
If I smile, would you feel the coldness in me? I hope you dont, for I keep my smiles warm. I dont think you will want to see me smiling through my teeth all day right? So I treasure my smiles to true friends, I dont want to smile all day to people who dont fuck care, its tiring.
Specially when it comes to girls Im scared to smile, I cant figure em out, I guess the saying is right about them (-_-"). When they smile you dont feel the warmth you expect, accept from a few. When they dont smile, you dont feel the coldness form them. Basically they are like a black box, hell it could be a bag of gold or a atomic bomb inside one of those. But it seems that blackboxes DO open, at least that few of them, and when they do, I will be sure t ofeel sadness flowing thru me again.
Because I fall for those that I can see through, but they never do fall for me =P. Maybe its coz I can feel them that I fall for them, but it is also that that makes me so comtemptable, so disliked.
One that knows all is hated by all, one that knows too much is liked by little.
If you knew that I would be a friend to you, then maybe I could show you my smile.
I would be named a nosey parker for prodding too much, I would be branded a
know-it-all if I said too much, I would be called a loner if I talked too little, I would be known a lamer if I joke too much, I would be said a retard if I smiled too much.
So what would I be? If I loved someone too much? Stupid? Or Hopeless? Or Devoted? Or Stong Willed?
I care too much of how ppl look at me? So I ask myself. Do I Love her? I do, and that is enough.
oNE daY i"lL lEt yoU kNOw, tHat mY heArT can'T leT gO, soRRy thAT iM nOt tHAt stROng
a leaf fell on 8:49 pm
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its been raining everyday for so many days now...
i just can't stop the feelings from flooding me
as i step on a puddle making splashes around my feet...
but i will always smile ^^
a leaf fell on 12:11 am
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Man I have to feel sad for the animation people... I mean they have to rush day n night to get a frog jump animation done n drawing n... n... well its just so overloading...
Seeing the way you stress yourself... well im just worried, simple as that. But I can't even express my worry. Because you want to avoid the subject of my feelings, towards you. So I cant show too much concern right? What if you start to find me a bother? Then won't it be even worse?... I respect your decision t oavoid the topic... but its getting too hard, too hard...
Take care of yourself... thats all i can start to say. Controlling myself from blurting out
"Eh dun work too hard, rest a bit"
"Dont make me worry about you leh"
"I cant stand seeing you like that"
I can't show my concern to you, how painful is that?
You asked me to help you with DSNV today... I was willing but kinda put it across a bit wrongly... N when the Mac Lab was full, I planned to wait in the library till you and the lab was free... but my classmates asked me to watch a movie, now I wonder why I agreed... My guilt, the movie was the most distressing time I ever watched one, the noise at the back of my head just kept saying I "pang seh" you... Couldnt focus on it even though it was interesting... But when I called you tonite, you didn't seem to hold anything against me for it... Do you really not think I "pang seh" you??
Den when i heard your voice, that tired, half-dead voice of yours... I wanted to just break out then... but... i thought of your reslove to avoid that topic... so I just said "Sleep early..."
I can't erase a non-existant blame, how pathetic is that?
Now I ask myself, why can't i get over you? Im still asking that damn bloody question all the fucking times over... Why? Is it because I dont want my efforts to go to waste? Is it because I'm just a fucking obsessed asshole who just cant stop? Is it because Im stupid and think there is always that small hope there? Is it because I think you are the ONE? Is it? Is it...?
I can't stop loving you, how cruel is that?
Tonite I have no mood to do my work... great...
Its so hot... or am I just feeling hot?
Its so dark... or am I just dimming my thoughts?
To numb that pain, to release it...
in silent tears, in silent fears...
Can I discover a pain more than what I'm feeling now? I hope so, so I will forget I ever had this pain, and move on.
a leaf fell on 9:43 pm
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last few days are so hectic... it FINALLY time for REST during the weekend ^^ hurray for weekends!!
Well just now i was eating dinner at Bukit Gombak (Don't ask me how i ended there...)
I dropped off there mistaking it for Bukit Batok...
Stress does get to you doesn't it...
So I went to find a coffee shop to eat stuff. ended up on a table in between 2 tables full of Puff Daddies (Bloody smokers) drinking booze in the evening...
Den this couple came up n asked whether they could sit on the same table. well i can't be a bastard n refuse rite?
After they got their food we started talking about nice places to eat... (I wonder how it all started) then suddenly its about me in poly studying design... n then its where i live... n then i ate finished n said buh-bye =P
So then i wonder... i can talk so freely to adults, but why not to ppl of my age?
I can chat with an uncle who drives the shuttle bus to my house (he usually talks about hot chicks who get on the bus and in geylang and i just go with the flow n laugh... you get what i mean...)
But why can't I feel that freedom of speech when im with my DMD games frens or even my DMD 0406 class ppl (sometimes, and certain unnamed ppl)... Maybe its because I'm afraid to make blunders, to be seen as a stupid dick who can't talk shit. Maybe. Well thats the way it is I guess, so I just don't want ppl to think I'm Anti-Social or anything... Just Shy I guess... Shy...
The Butterfly landed on your hand but didn't have the courage to say,
I love you.
a leaf fell on 8:20 pm
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