Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The last few weeks I've tried to live without thinking about you. You can't imagine how much I had to suppress myself, to drown myself in whatever I could do, to disillusion myself in games.

God.

Would I ever feel full again? The emptiness, the void never fills up. I'm waiting for this girl, who I shld never wait for. I'm living this life without a reason, meaning.

Smile. I'm smiling my friends, mother, father, bro. I'm smiling.
I smile at my irony. Smile at myself. Smile in front of you.

Cry. I'm crying as I write this. The tears won't dry up. This love won't end.
This pain hurts. No one can help. Only you can tell me to stop.

Please. I'm begging you please. Tell me that I'm gone. Tell me it is impossible.
So I can stop loving you. So I've got a reason to do so.

Empty. I'm feeling so. Slowly I'm going off. Slowly I'm going mad.
Mostly I'm not there.

Hate. I'm lost in my hate. The jealousy in me. The dark side of me.
Behind my smile. Love my hate. Feel my hatred. The Yang always has a Yin.
Go and die dick. You know who you are.

Love. I'm in love. Never have I felt this. Mostly I'm just dead. How painful it is.
Will it ever be bliss? Fuck you love. Why did you come? Why must you change me?
Why don't they understand? Tell them. How pained am I. Tell her. How I love her.
How? Maybe I shld die. Maybe you shld love me.

WHY! SHHHHIT! WHY!!! GOD!!!! end this.... please....
my hate, i don't want it to consume me
my love, i don't want it to pain me
my smile, i don't want it to be fake
my tears, i don't want it to flow
my emptiness, i don't want it anymore

GIVE ME SOME LOVE!!! FUCK YOU... I beg you...... love me or not.
Tell me.... please? Haru... please...
You there?

God.

a leaf fell on 2:37 am

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