Today, Sunday, the day god gave to people to rest after a week. I woke up at 11am, after a late night's sleep. My lethargic body held no energy as i struggled to wake, the night had been filled with thoughts. The house was empty lest for me. For sometime I've not felt this tired, this drained, this wounded.
Last night I came back after make the game version of "resident NOT SO evil" being a camera man was sort of tiring, timeing the shots and stuff... it was fun, but the funny thing was i was not that happy... for some reason... I realized later that night.
As i sat watching TV my mind was blank, maybe i thought too much yesterday that i didn't have to think today. This small reasoning started me thinking... again. I realized what lay in my heart.
Over the last few days, I could cope with seeing you, I could even laugh n talk to you WOW, holy shit thats great. I had the thought that I've gotten over what cannot be, that you would be just a friend now.
But last night as I listened to "Wo Shi Yi Zhi Xiao Xiao Niao" i wavered, my resolve to heal was crushed, I thought of you, how could you stay as only a friend?? when i think about you more than any other person?
When I went out, I would think of where you were, is it possible I would meet you?
When I saw someone
with a similiar hair style,
wear that similiar 3/4 shorts,
wearing the converse sneakers,
I would think of you.
When I waited for your message after i sent you one, I would think of you.
When I messaged you are you free tml? I hope you would be, but you never would.
When I'm at the last vestiges of conciousness before my sleep, I would think of you.
When I'm engrossed in editing the story Shan Shan wrote, I thought of you (gay looking watch).
When I looked through that video camera lens filming the video that would be shown to the class, I thought of you.
When we walk as a class I would think of you, whether you were talking, whether I was talking, in my subconciousness, I would think of you.
Can I still insist I got over you? when all I feel is a stronger thought, stronger than before.
Can I still pretend I got over you? when I notice you in that crowd of friends?
Can I still think I got over you? when I msged you "have a nice sleep?"
Tonight, as I argued with my father, I could not try to talk back, for.... I think of you...
I lay on my bed, pulsating throught my boday was an ache, not of a physical kind, but of a spiritual, I dropped a tear in the silence of the night... I thought of you.
Wo Deng De Chuan Hai Bu Lai, Wo Deng De Ren Hai Bu Ming Bai
-Richie Ren, Shang Xing Tai Ping Yang
