why do i feel this way?? this feeling is about to kill me, and everything i lived for...
everytime i see them, my friends, family and acquaintances, i sense a kind of avoidance, as if they all don't like me. all my speech, actions, thoughts all seem to be returned with hostility, fake laughter.... WHY?? if you guys dont like me SAY IT,
dont act like you all care,
dont act like im there,
dont act like im funny,
dont act like im smart,
dont say that you love me,
cuz im incapable of love,
all my life i've never had love for others,
i never knew what love was,
and i guess i'll never know,
maybe its all about me, its all my fault,
yea it is, for i am my actions,speech and thoughts,
and its all my fault that i never knew love,
for i shunned it as i shun ppl,
for i didnt go search for it, never bothered to find it,
haha hell, maybe it ran away like my nose eh??
oh yea i've heard ppl say "you will always love yur momma n papa n ...."
maybe i do, but if you do, why all the manners n courtesy??
in't loving someone about accepting who he is??
so why do we, me decieve others with our stupid manners,
so we r portrayed as a nice guy??
so we r loved by others??
well i am not a nice guy,
i hold the doors open for ppl to walk thru,
i donate generously,
i write all those fucking poems,
oh yea they had stop comin,
i say hello n goodbye,
i listen to what others have to say,
BUT this is all a BLUFF,
in actual fact, i dont mean to do these things,
what for do i help when you can help yurselfs??
oh i get it i want to be loved,
cuz maybe then i will understand,
but then FORGET IT, no one wants me to understand,
all those emails that you send??
saying that therez always someone who loves you,
fuck those, im tired of having to put up with ppl telling me they care,
im lonely in all ways possible, and im on my own,
so maybe i'll just stick to being a bastard to everione,
so i can prove i exist,
maybe i dont exist??
maybe this is all a dream i wake up and find all loves me??
FAT HOPE, go dream yur stinkin love, cuz its all a dream for me
meng, as you all call me
